I Love You, Goodbye
by DimensionSlip
Summary: March 5, 2010. Some words were better left unsaid, even during that promised day.


A/N: Yet again, another repost from Tumblr, purposely cross-posted on this day.

The original title of this was 'Aishiteru, Sayonara', roughly translating into the current title used for this piece. In Japanese, there are several ways of saying goodbye, and 'Sayonara' more or less is something you say if you are certain you are not going to see the person ever again-the other person here being the person you ship the FeMC with. I purposely left it open-ended, though it is implied to be a guy in the narration.

Also, I had supercell's "Kimi Sora Kiseki" on infinite loop when I decided to write this, and let's just say multiple iterations of that Japanese ballad has made this story into what it is-though I would not go as far as to call this a song fic.

Regardless, Happy March 5th, everyone, and I hope you enjoy this story. Feedback, of course, is always appreciated.

* * *

The spring air whipped against my cheek as I watched some sakura petals dance in the wind.

Aigis's hand was cold, her steel fingertips caressing my cheek as my head rested against her lap. A tear slipped down her cheek as she finished speaking her promise to me—to be with me, to protect me.

I gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile, hoping she'd return it as I wiped her tear away. She did not need to know that her promise was all for naught, and I did not have the heart to say so. Plus, Aigis was beautiful when she smiled. It lent a beatific glow to her already unworldly beauty, and the way her eyes shone when she did was simply priceless. It was a symbol more beautiful than tears—of her transcending her barriers as a mechanical maiden, once programmed only to destroy.

I'm sorry, Aigis. Call me selfish, but please grace me with your smile once more. I don't want you to shut down whatever happens. So is it okay if I shy away from the truth for now? Please forgive me.

My mind wandered to the others as I tilted my head towards the sky again. Mitsuru-senpai must be giving her speech at the podium, with the rest of them looking on.

The petals continued to move with the wind, dotting the sky blue heavens with their pink tinge. It was too early for the cherry blossoms to start blooming, and yet they were. The trees were weeping, as if shedding the tears I promised myself I won't.

Nonetheless, I assured myself, it was pretty, and a fine way to greet Gekkoukan High's graduates for the year 2010.

I held back a sigh and a sob as my chest started to feel heavy. It was all for the best, though, wasn't it? Junpei, Fuuka, and Yukari would probably be devastated for a while, but at least they'll able to move on quickly without remembering that hour. Sure, the old friendships they made are gone forever, but really, it was for the best if they did not remember especially with what waited for me at the end.

Pfft. Why should I cry over this? I chose this fate out of my own free will, and this world we promised.

"We"… if they found out what I've done, I'm sure they'll try to find a way to stop me. Even if it's too late now. Regardless, I stand by the choices I made, and—

—The rooftop door, much to my surprise, flew open.

My heart seized up upon sighting who it was from the corner of my eye.

It was _him_. A lump formed in my throat, and I found myself short of breath. But how? It could only mean that… But wasn't—

He called out my name, and I was no longer able to hold it in anymore.

Something slipped out of my eye as Aigis's cool comfort was replaced by an all too familiar warm embrace.

He remembered. He _actually_ remembered.

He kissed me lightly on the forehead, holding me close as he whispered words, words my mind tried to grasp at amidst the confusion, happiness—heck, general emotional turmoil I was undergoing.

I was a mess. A goddamned mess. If there was one thing that could shake my resolve, it was him. My beloved. He remembered. Even if he shouldn't. Why? Why did you remember? I was going to leave this world in peace—you in peace. But you had to.

You're an idiot. There was no need for you to remember. But I love you for it.

He clasped my hand, smiling serenely as he gripped it tight, whispering more soothing words as I heard familiar voices coming from the door he came through.

A pang in my chest told me that it was the rest of my friends, and the look on his face told me as much.

I gazed into his eyes, which burned with so much intensity as they met mine. There was so much I wanted to tell this amazing person in front of me. How brave he was for living despite everything that has happened. How much he had going for him. How much he should appreciate himself, give himself a bit more credit for what he has accomplished.

And most of all, how much I loved him.

I…

Yet, not a word left my lips as I felt my eyes grow heavy, his face—his beautiful, beautiful, smile—giving way to a sea of white as my eyes sought rest.

* * *

An old, yellow doorway with shifting eyes greeted me when I finally opened my own.

The door creaked forward, opening to reveal Ryoji in his trademark yellow scarf and suspenders.

He gave me a bemused smile as he reached out a hand for me to take. "It's time." It sounded like Pharos was speaking, and I had to hold back a chuckle as that thought crossed my mind. Silly, they were one and the same, weren't they? "I hope you have left without regrets."

I thought about the words I failed to say, then shook my head as I returned his smile and took his hand. It was for the best. For him, for me, and for them. He should not chase after me—or my shadow for that matter. They should live their life to the fullest, make more happy memories as well as sad ones.

_Without me._

My feet leave the ground and I rose along with him, hardening my gaze on the door as I passed through it. It was okay. They will—especially him—are strong people. Wishing to spend more time with them would only hurt more, and hurt my resolve as well.

It's better if I remain a memory now. The universe waits.

Ryoji let go of my hand as I make it through the door, and I watch him as he flew away, his form turning dark as he was slowly overtaken by the being I knew as Nyx.

A black feather broke off from his wings, and I caught it with my hand. I trained my gaze on Nyx, and I could've sworn the white mask smiling at me encouragingly, taking the form of Ryoji's face before disappearing.

With that, I closed my eyes as I gripped the feather tightly, feeling it elongate and envelop me with something ribbon-like.

I whispered five words I left unsaid earlier as the door closed behind me, something weaving along my arms as it pulled me towards my sanctuary for the rest of the world's days.

_I love you._

_And goodbye._


End file.
